In the September 17th issue of The New Yorker, an article titled Crybabies offers support and empathy for parents who don’t get much, if anything, in the way of an explanation (and certainly not a cure) for the crying of their colicky babies.

Colic is defined by the “Rules of Threes”: an otherwise healthy baby crying for three or more hours a day, three or more days a week, for three or more weeks. Twenty-percent of infants are classified as colicky. There have been a couple prevailing theories to circulate about the causes of colic – allergies to mothers milk and immature gastrointestinal system top that list. Wessel, a pediatrician at Yale, adds that most of the crying tends to take place in the evening and peaks between two and three months. If you believe the idea that colicky babies are more sensitive to stimuli, it would make sense that their systems would be most overloaded by the end of the day, spurring the crying.

The article goes on to talk about the parenting schemas of the each generation affecting how parents responded to the crying of their child, which we can all agree is the most horrible of sounds. The article then turns to a discussion about Barry Lester, a professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at Brown University and his treatment of colic as a behavioral disorder that affects the family. As such, he treats the family.

I was delighted to read about Lester’s approach to the issue of colic, because like so many issues in parenting, it doesn’t occur in isolation. Everyone is effected. And he postulates that the parent-child relationship can forever be transformed by these uber-challenging early months with a colicky baby, making it hard to tease apart a child’s temperament and early parenting dynamics that arise out of parents’ expectations that their child is difficult.

Lester also touches on another important issue, that of mother-guilt. Spend any time with a new mom of a fussy child and you’ll soon learn that she can come up with a healthy list of reasons why she is to blame for her child’s discontent. The same is true with colic. However, there is no data to support that mom did (or didn’t do) something to cause this.

Lester goes on to state that babies would be best served by being allowed, for short periods of time, to learn to self-soothe. This suggestion flies in the face of parents who feel like there is something THEY need to do to calm their babies. The frustration that builds quickly comes from unsuccessfully soothing a colicky baby and can be detremental. Lester, therefore, gives parents permission to take a break from the baby and even suggests this may be helpful for the baby.

As a sleep consultant I can feel the tension start to build when a suggestion is made that it’s okay for a baby to cry to learn to self-soothe. I respect that there are different opinions about this, however it warrants repeating that there is no data to suggest that a baby crying for controlled periods of time is traumatizing or otherwise damaging. In fact, it can often compel a baby to learn the important skill of self-soothe. This will ultimately make for a better-rested, less stressed family. And that’s really good for baby.

This morning, Good Morning America featured Bringing Baby Home, a program Swellbeing is proud to offer as part of our parent workshops. The piece titled, “Baby Makes Three: Dealing with Children in Your Relationship” focused on the emotional toll welcoming a baby into the family may take on mothers and fathers and, subsequently, the marriage.

“Thirty percent of fathers have postpartum depression symptoms,” said Relationship Research Institute executive director John Gottman. “Fifty [percent] to 80 percent of moms have symptoms of postpartum depression.”

I must clarify that having symptoms of post partum depression and meeting the criteria are not the same thing. Experts generally agree that the incidence of PPD is between 10%-15%. Postpartum blues (“baby blues”) is the phenomenon whereby 50% or more of moms meet some criteria for depression, however those symptoms tend to lift within days to a few weeks. When those symptoms persist and worsen, they can lead to the more severe postpartum depression. If you or someone you know is experiencing some of the symptoms of PPD (lack of interest in anything, sadness or irritability, thought of harming self or baby, change in appetite or sleep), please contact a helping professional immediately.

During pregnancy a great deal of attention is paid to preparing for labor and delivery, and preparing the nursery, but very little, if any, attention is given to the most important building block of all: the parenting relationship. John and Julie Gottman have done extensive longitudinal research on relationships to understand and identify what makes a relationship successful. They have used their findings as the pillars of the Bringing Baby Home Workshop designed to prepare expecting couples and new parents alike for the changes that occur once the baby arrives. The goal of the workshop is to teach couples how to care for one another as well as the baby. The results for couples who attend these workshops are impressive: a drop in post partum depression rates from 67% to 23%.

Programs such as Zero to Three have illuminated the critical importance of those first few years in a child’s life developmentally. Unfortunately for most couples, these early years of family life are wrought with sleepless nights, marital tension and a lack of harmony.

“About two-thirds of couples had serious problems in the first three years of the baby’s life, where their happiness with one another went down,” said Gottman, who has researched relationships for 30 years. “Their hostility increased.”

Swellbeing is delighted to be staffed by Certified Gottman Educators. We are offering Bringing Baby Home workshops this September. Contact us for more information or to register: info@swellbeing.com